Personal Sex Ed Questionnaire

Personal Sex Ed Questionnaire

In the process of interviewing folx for my book, I came up with this questionnaire. I’ve been asking people to sit with me and delve into their personal sexual histories — drudging up some deeply rooted information that has made them the sexual being they are today. Recently, I sat down and recorded myself responding to all of these questions and was surprised by what came up. I thought I knew all of this about myself. I teach it, I understand where it energetically lives in my body, I’ve put in the work. Sex education and work within the sexuality field always surprises me — there’s so much fluidity. I am always both teacher and student.

Since the process was so cathartic and intense for me, I wanted to share this questionnaire for others looking to deeply understand their sexual being. I recommend you answer these questions out loud while recording yourself (if possible) and then journal about the process afterwards. You can also do this with a partner/lover or trusted friendlove if you want to share this energy with another person. Be sure to talk about how you can hold one another in this process beforehand.

As always, email me with any questions or if this brought up anything you’d like to explore with guidance.

  1. As a child (ages 3-10) what did you understand about bodily autonomy (self-determination over your own body)?

  2. Where did you primarily learn about sex? (I.e. friends, family, media, school, religion)

  3. What were the overt or covert messages from the religion you were raised in about sex and consent?

  4. Growing up, what messages did you get from media about consent or non-consent?

  5. Growing up, what messages did you get from parents or guardians about consent or non-consent?

  6. What was your experience of sex education in school or an education setting?

  7. What was your experience receiving or not receiving sex education from your parents or guardians?

  8. What adults (parents, guardians, siblings, teachers, etc) could you go to with questions about sex as an adolescent?

  9. At what age did you become familiar with the idea of sexual consent?

  10. At what age did you begin to navigate verbal sexual consent with partners?

  11. What are your feelings about your ability to communicate verbal consent with potential or current sexual partners?

  12. What are your feelings about your ability to communicate non-verbal consent with potential or current sexual partners?

  13. Are there circumstances you don’t feel it’s necessary to practice verbal sexual consent?

  14. Has there ever been a time when you weren't sure of someone's consent and were sexual with them anyway?

  15. How (if at all) do you feel your gender identity impacts your sexuality and how you communicate with sexual partners?

  16. What has sexual healing looked like you for? (When I say healing, I mean in a large sense of healing from all these ways in which we consume shame filled messages about sex but also from sexual traumas/harassment experienced)

  17. How often do you check in with partners about their sexual desires? What does that process look like?

  18. How often do you check in with yourself about your sexual desires? What does that process look like? (I.e. masturbation, journaling, etc)

  19. What are your feelings about your ability to communicate your sexual desires to potential and current sexual partners?

  20. What are your feelings about saying no to a sexual act your partner desires?

  21. What are your feelings about receiving a no from a partner about a desired sexual act?

  22. Is there a context in which you feel more comfortable discussing your desires with potential or current sexual partners? (I.e. setting in private/public, with LTR or casual fling, via sexting, after sex, during sex)

  23. What has helped you embrace pleasure the way you want to experience it?

  24. What does your ideal navigation of sexual consent look like?

  25. What do you hope future generations have access to when it comes to sex education?

Every Age At Once

Every Age At Once